Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
