my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
