so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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