Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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