I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
