As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
