yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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