my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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