You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
