She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
