I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
