is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
