did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize