I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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