chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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