My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
A+ Viking dick
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
