I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
