no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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