whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
