I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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