you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Dicks are not precious.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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