the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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