my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
