I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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