Are we in a gay sports bar?
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
