Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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