In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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