so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
third nipple confirmed
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
They have beer where we have blood.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
