I want to walk on stilts...naked
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
