yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
