i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
