Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
