I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
