Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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