Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
