If that was your dad, he is hot
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
