Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
