I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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