I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Randomize
