My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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