dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
