While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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