I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
