i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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