she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
