Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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