this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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