Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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