you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
