had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
