At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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