Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
