508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
