And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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