I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
