i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
