rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
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and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
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We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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