I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
