hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
