Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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