$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
