I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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