I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
