no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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