Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
