maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
