Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
