He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
